Guilt Trip
I never thought I'd cheat on my husband, but when he got a job with a large corporation and now has to leave for months at a time it left me little choice. I'm weak. I just can't concentrate if I don't have sex at least once a month.
When my husband's friends started noticing I was checking them out I knew I had to do something. Men are disgusting. They have no morals when it comes to sex. Two guys I thought were our 'closest friends' just came out and offered to have an affair not long after my husband got his job. I don't know for sure if they hit on me because they knew I would be alone or if it was because they noticed how I was checking them out, but it scared me. It's probably a bit of both, but either way I knew I'd have to find some way to get laid or else I'd eventually end up taking one (or all) of them to bed and possibly destroy my marriage.
I wouldn't trust any guy who dared to call my husband his 'friend' with keeping quiet about an affair. People say women gossip, but I know men do it too, especially about sex. My husband has told me some of the things him and his buddies talk about, and they get into all the details.
I solved my problem by joining an Internet dating site anonymously and searching out men who traveled a lot and wouldn't be around to cross paths. It's a lot safer to have an affair with someone I'll never see again. I haven't gone completely wild with cheating yet, but I have hooked up with a few guys over the last year, just during the months when my husband was away.
I feel really guilty about it for weeks afterwards, but the sex is so good I don't think I'll ever give it up. My preference so far lies with guys in their mid twenties (I'm twenty nine). It's been nice to have my pick of men. I like that, no complaints there. To me men peak at twenty five- even guys that haven't spent much time in a gym have nice chests and broad shoulders at that age, and sexually they're experienced enough to give me what I need. I like athletic sex in a variety of positions- which is why staying at home with my collection of dildos and vibrators just doesn't do it for me.
Dildos and vibrators also don't give me the pleasure of giving pleasure. I seriously get off on giving. What I look for in a sexual encounter is a build up of doing everything a guy wants of me and as his excitement builds, so does mine. Nothing gets me wetter than giving a guy a blowjob until his comes in my mouth, and it's especially good when I can make him squirm with pleasure while doing it. It's moments like that, knowing I'm an ultimate object of desire is what makes a seedy hook-up turn into something passionate. In the past, my sexual tastes have been a problem because a lot of guys can't keep up with me, and in the years before I met my husband I had some poor lovers. Internet dating has been a serious help with that because I'm pretty good at weeding out the losers before meeting someone face to face.
The most current affair I have going is with a marketing rep who spends most of his time in hotel rooms. His name is John and we've only done it three times, but he's also the only guy I've cheated with that many times. There are three reasons why I'll probably continue to see him: It's convenient, he's very good in bed, and he's safe. He knows I'm married and doesn't care, he's married himself and in a similar situation because he's always traveling.
I'm not really attracted to John's personality very much; we have a purely sexual relationship. His body fits mine perfectly, and he likes to have sex in a lot of positions that even my husband can't manage. We're just two sex starved lovers fucking like mad for hours in a hotel room, once every other month. It's something I do to keep from climbing the walls at home.
The guilt I get from cheating is the only part about having an affair that I don't like. It's especially worrisome when I'm late with my period (I'm on the pill though… it's highly unlikely I could get pregnant, but it's something to worry about). It's also especially bad when I gather my clothes up and leave a hotel room. The lust of wanting a hard cock inside me is replaced with a sober recollection of all the things I've just done, and the pleasant soreness and moist feeling between my legs is a reminder that another man has trespassed on my marital vows.
Having a shower right after sex helps, and doing some meditating also helps keep panic attacks away. I tell myself all the time that things could be worse. I could be fucking my husband's friends. I could be going out to singles bars. I could be going completely crazy while staying faithful.
Most of the time I don't worry about it. My husband will never find out. I'm satisfied with a causal affair when I'm left alone. I don't think I should feel guilty about it, (especially considering my husband is probably cheating on me), I just can't help it.
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