Sexual Awakening
I've always had a fantasy about having sex with two guys at the same time, but it's not something I've felt I could share with anyone, especially my current boyfriend. His name is Steve and he's insanely jealous. I know he'd take it as a personal insult to his manhood if I ever told him I'd even thought about it.
People don't talk about their most perverted desires; I used to wonder if there was something wrong with me. I've always been shy and even a little naïve. I had a sheltered, religious upbringing. My complete outlook on life changed though when I went to university and had the freedom of living on my own coupled with thought provoking courses. I'm a first year Arts student, and intro psychology and sociology are mandatory.
My professors are really cool and they don't shy away from topics about sex and sexuality. It was a lot to take in. I had no idea how mild my fantasies actually were until I saw statistics from Kinsey polls. It was quite shocking to find out how many women cheat on their husbands, and so many sex practices I thought were uncommon are actually very widespread - experimentation with lesbian, anal and group sex is normal! Fuck, I used to think giving a guy a blowjob was dirty.
We covered Sigmund Freud's views on sex, which was just insane. What a quack. I can't believe so many T.V. shows try to convince the general public that the majority of psychologists believe his theories. The truth is the opposite; almost no one is a Freudian these days, but in the Victorian era people were really fucked up about sex so his perverse ideas actually made sense. As crazy as it sounds though, a lot of it hit home for me. My family was so strictly religious I might as well have been born in the nineteenth century.
In Freudian terms, I wouldn't go so far as to say I have penis envy, but I have always been jealous of the double standard, so much that I've been sexually repressed. I think it's why I've been fascinated by the idea of a threesome with two guys. To me it's the ultimate sin, admitting my extreme sexual desires as a woman. All guys are very open about wanting to have sex with two women at the same time, why is it taboo for any woman to show an equivalent desire?
I didn't expect to have such a different outlook on life after only one semester away from home, but it's like a whole new world has been opened up to me. I still love my boyfriend, but I took my sexual awakening to the next level last week, and it's why I'm writing this letter. I joined an online dating service and made my ultimate fantasy come true with two guys I didn't know.
If someone had told me I would ever do something so incredibly whorish before I went to university I would have slapped them in the face. Now that I've done it I have a hard time convincing myself that I'm sane, but I don't regret it. I haven't told a soul and it was the most exciting thing I've ever done. I feel more alive now than I ever have.
Getting two guys to fuck me was a lot easier than I thought. It took me longer to fix my hair than it did to set a time and a place to meet up with two well-built construction workers. I've always had a thing for men who do physical labor. It's the muscles and the way they glisten with sweat.
I made a few mistakes though. Meeting in person went so well I ended up grabbing the guys' cocks under the table while we were sitting in a restaurant. I was on such a sexual high it was like I was a different person. It was dangerous because someone might have seen what I was up to, but that was part of the experience. My biggest mistake was inviting the guys over to my dorm because we didn't have enough money to get a motel room. It all turned out for the best, but I my heart was pounding when I snuck them in after curfew. I don't have a roommate (thank God) but my dorm has strict rules about guests after eleven pm. If I'd have been caught, everyone would have talked about me for years.
Inside my room I didn't take the role of a submissive woman waiting for them to take charge, I practically ripped their clothes off. It was wild. I had two hard cocks at full attention and I alternated my mouth around each of them as fast as I could, just as I'd seen in a few porno movies. The guys were stunned, but very willing to go along with whatever I asked them to do.
The only thing I didn't do with them was anal sex. They offered to double penetrate me and it was tempting because I felt like wanted to do as much taboo stuff as I could that night, but I've never fantasized about getting anything shoved up my ass, especially something as big as a penis. I tried anal sex a couple times with Steve, but it just didn't work. I'm not into pain.
What I did do with my two studs was fuck and suck them until they couldn't get hard anymore. It might have been a better experience if we didn't have to keep quiet to avoid getting caught, but I had so many orgasms I lost count and I swallowed so much come I think I got my calcium requirement for a week. When it was over I made sure the coast was clear so they could leave unnoticed and when they were gone my mind was reeling with the realization of what I had just done.
It's interesting playing around with your own mind and what pushes emotional reactions you can't control. I went through a lot of guilt because I'd cheated on Steve, but it was tempered with an adrenaline rush from a new sense of power. I get wet every time I think about that night, and when I'm with Steve I get goose bumps wondering if he can magically tell that I've been unfaithful. Of course he has no idea, I'm just a little paranoid.
What I have to decide now is what I'm going to do in the future. I don't think I'll break up with Steve. I might even marry him. I don't know if I'm going to cheat on him again, but time will tell. I'm actually very satisfied just knowing I have options.
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